Twenty “10’s” for 2010

10…
…is the number of days my going-to-the-gym kick will last.

…meals/week will be my average at Chick-fil-a.

…times will i publicly profess my love for Susan Sarandon.

…hours a week is what i will waste by watching Grey’s Anatomy.

…times i will neglect replenishing the toilet paper dispenser at my house.

…friends will give disapproving glances at my new “look”.

…thousand dollars is what i’ll spend at Starbucks/Dilworth Coffee this year.

…minutes is all i’ll care about Major League Baseball.

…days off work is what i’ll miss in order to watch as much of the World Cup as possible.

…dollars is all i’ll pay to get my taxes done.

…trips to the dentist is what it’ll take to fill in all the cavities i acquired in 2009.

…strangers will ask me if i’m “that guy from the show with the dog”.

…days will be how long my coma lasts after i’m absolutely shocked by the series finale of LOST.

…dates will end in total disaster after i admit to being an amateur blogger.

…times/week i will complain about my roommate’s obnoxious need to have “tickle fights” with his girlfriend while i’m sitting on the couch right beside them.

…tweets/day will still be an obnoxiously high number to me.

…emails forwarded to me by my mother will automatically be deleted without being read.

…more dates will end in disaster after i utter a semi-sexist comment.

…minutes from now i’ll be gloating about this blog post and only receive a comment from my mom.

…friends will ask me if i’m “okay” after news is released that the Honda Element will no longer continue in production.

the 5 worst

i am a horrible gift giver.  (in high school i gave my father a crossword puzzle neck tie.)  but nothing compares to these 5 Worst Christmas Gifts i have ever received.

The 5 Worst:
$20 – one Christmas my step-brother sent me twenty $1 bills in a wrapped box of confetti.  yes, the 20 bucks was great.  but what wasn’t so great was having to work for it, digging through the million pieces of confetti.  the next year i put a $20 bill through a shredder and mailed the pieces to him in an envelope.  i think he got the point.
Chocolate Covered Cherries – each year, Granny gives me a box of shrink wrapped Chocolate Covered Cherries that she purchases at her local pharmacy in Taft, Tn.  and each year (usually around May) i throw that same unopened box of Chocolate Covered Cherries in the trash.  i’m not strong enough to tell her that i don’t like ‘em.
the Cosby sweater – however, i am strong enough to tell my mother that i’ll never wear the black, green and gold sweater i just unwrapped.  she asked me why not.  i told her because i’m not an obstetrician living in Brooklyn with my gorgeous wife and 5 well-behaved children.
The Prayer of Jabez journal – after opening this gem, i gave the best courtesy smile and “thank you” of my life.  i filled every page though.  but instead of writing about how God was expanding my territory, i described the struggles of a 15-year-old who wasn’t getting enough playing time and wondered why Meredith Sims had just broken up with him.
1,000 sheets of notebook paper - what is it?  gosh, it’s heavy.  feels like books.  maybe it’s part of an encyclopedia set! nope.  five 200 sheet packs of notebook paper is what i opened.  i officially had enough paper to last me the rest of my entire educational career.  at least each of my 13 cousins received the same gift.  that’s 13,000 sheets of notebook paper….college ruled!  apparently, Papaw wasn’t aware of “going green”.

what are some of the worst gifts you have received?

i need your help!

in the last 4 days, i have received countless* requests for me to begin blogging again.  however, as i told my blogging mentor saturday nite, i’m not sure what i should be blogging about.  i seem to bounce around from topic to topic, and style to style.  and it appears that the most successful blogs have a focus, a specific subject or genre.  this could be….humor, news, music, insightful crap, or how fast your newborn baby is changing and growing.

but as i mentioned, i tend to bounce around.  one day i could be writing a self-deprecating post on how fantastic my high school years were, and the next i’ll be pushing a NPO on you, hopefully making you feel bad for not caring about anything but yourself.

i need a focus.  i need your help.

and i want your help.  so leave me a comment.  tell me what you want to read.

here’s what i’m looking for:
hey jared, write about your distaste for Lady Gaga. i can do that.
jare bear, share with us how you like to sneak in games of Spider Solitaire at work. no problem!
jay pupp, tell me more about your family and how you’re the black sheep. kind of boring, but ok.
jerry, do more of that self-deprecating stuff. did i mention i’m single….still?

thanks everyone….looking forward to hearing from you.  oh!  there will be a prize for the best suggestion, and it may or may not be an autographed 4×6 framed photo of myself.

*3

a word about Compassion

yesterday my roommate Michael and his girlfriend Rachel returned home from a 10 day tour of Brazil with Compassion International.  Michael and Rachel are both sponsoring kids through the organization, and had decided months ago that they wanted to visit another country and to see first hand what Compassion is doing to change the world.  For Michael, this trip was somewhat of a homecoming.  he grew up in Brazil as a missionary kid.  But this was Rachel’s first mission oriented trip outside of the United States.

i picked the two travelers up from the airport yesterday morning, and they were obviously tired.  on the ride back to our houses they shared very little, but exciting, details about their trip, both of them confessing to be “emotionally drained”.  Michael told me how great it was to be back in the culture he grew up in, and that he finally got to see his favorite soccer team play in person.  Rachel told me about some souvenirs she purchased and that she saw some unbelievable sites, things that, before going on this trip, she might not have thought were real.  after they slept most of the day, the 3 of us and some more friends went to dinner to celebrate their return and to hear their stories.

the child that Michael sponsors and writes letters to actually lives in Brazil, and last week he got to spend an entire day with his seven-year-old boy from Recife named Jeremais.  upon seeing Michael, Jeremais ran and jumped in his arms, wrapping his legs around him.  the two friends played soccer together, went to the beach, and kept each other entertained for the entire day.  Michael truly believes that this was the best day of Jeremais’ life so far, and the smile on the boy’s face is proof.

Rachel, who loves to talk and share more than Michael, was describing her experience with such detail and accuracy, not wanting to leave out a single image or memory from her trip.  she talked about food, described houses and families they visited, and gave specific details on how Compassion International truly is …compassionate.  she also gave an eye-witness account to the excitement and gratitude Jeremais has for Michael.

there are countless stories like this happening every day, all over the world.  i want to say thank you to my two friends for making this story a reality for me.

my friend Bryan Allain has posted a video from last week’s Catalyst Conference in Atlanta that shows another example of the work Compassion International is doing.  please click over to his blog and, as Bryan says, “let your heart be moved.”

Top 10 TICAML – continues tomorrow

the Top 10 Things I’m Celebrating About My Life series will continue on tuesday.

today i am recovering from a wedding weekend and road trip to DC.  but let’s be honest….an attempt to post 10 straight “work days” was a little ambitious on my end.  not surprised?  well, neither am i.

but in honor of my weekend trip to “the district”, below is a picture of me in front of the Capitol Building that was taken almost 3 years ago.  i framed this photo and gave it to all my family members for Christmas that year.  i thought it was a great present.

the last time i was at my brother’s house, i found my thoughtful gift resting underneath a stack of expired Applebee’s coupons, some clothespins, a half empty pack of AA batteries, and 2 rolls of Scotch tape.  i guess it was appropriately placed in the household junk drawer.

Top 10 TICAML – Day 2

today, i’m celebrating…..my music library.

i’m not a snob.  i’m just discerning.*  and through my discretionary efforts, i have created the most thorough, appropriate, and covetous music library known to anyone who has heard sound.  i’m known for providing the right song at exactly the right moment.  i’ve made compilation discs that have enhanced the quality of life for several misguided souls.  one time i played the perfect song for a deaf guy, and well……he’s not deaf anymore.

but i won’t take complete credit for this musical mastery.  i want to say thanks to:
my parents – for making me listen to Billy Ocean on road trips to TN.
my brother – for introducing me to Faith No More, Color Me Badd, and Nelson.
my Christian school – for making me feel guilty for listening to Third Eye Blind, The Cranberries, 311, and Creed.
my college – i might have graduated with a low GPA, but at least i discovered Damien Rice while i was a student.

i’m taking the weekend off.  come back on monday for more Things I’m Celebrating About My Life.

*line stolen from wednesday night’s episode of Modern Family, the funniest new tv show this fall.

Top 10 TICAML – Day 1

today, i’m celebrating……November Rain

within the last year i learned and memorized the intro piano solo to the song November Rain by Guns N’ Roses.  actually, i only learned and memorized the first section of the solo.  my attempt to conquer the entire piece was proving to be to difficult, so i quit.

but still, i’m celebrating this accomplishment.

here’s why:  it’s impressive – last fall i took a trip to Charleston with my coworkers and their wives.  sitting in our weekend house was a piano.  i had just reached the point of being confident in my new talent that i knew it was the prime opportunity to show off.  finally, later on in the weekend, my time had come.  the piano room was cleared out, but enough people were “around” to hear my performance.  the section i learned is only 45 seconds long, but i kept playing the piece over and over again, adding in some staccato notes, adjusting the tempo, and changing the softness and loudness of the song in order to fill a solid 5 minutes of piano playing.  a coworker said to me later, “jared, i didn’t know you could play!  sounded good, man.  you’re so talented.”  i said, “thanks” and gave myself a fist pound.

below is the song and epic video from GNR.

i’m ok…..really!

it’s been made abundantly clear that my last post was a little…..awkward.  a couple of readers scheduled an “intervention” in which they expressed their concern about my current writing style.  apparently they have picked up on a self-deprecating tone in a few of my posts, which is totally unintentional and maybe even a poor attempt to get some laughs.

the truth is, if i remove myself from my present state of unemployment, and am able to recover from some unfortunate events that have occurred over the last few months, my life really isn’t that bad.  i have 3 parents that love me (that’s right….3!); a brother and sister-in-law that love and check up on me often; a few, solid friends that i know are here for me; a nephew that can say “dookie”; and i’m occasionally reminded that i actually do know how to love people well, in spite of my selfishness and pride.

but in case you’re not convinced, over the next ten days i will be posting the Top 10 Things I’m Celebrating About My Life list.  this will consist of accomplishments, events, and some little-known-facts about Jerry Taft.  i mean….Jared Taft.

come back tomorrow.

i wanna be like Mike!

yesterday, Michael Vick appeared in his first regular season NFL game in over 2 years.  i am excited about Vick’s return, hoping he writes one of the greatest comeback stories of all time.  his performance in yesterday’s debut was not spectacular.  but i’m not going to criticize.  because i know, probably more than anyone else, how difficult a triumphant comeback can be to obtain after facing so much adversity.

here are my Top 3 failed comeback performances:

comeback #1:  the piano - when i was young i took piano lessons.  the hours i spent practicing this instrument each week were not very conducive to the “athlete” reputation i was trying to build by recently joining a little league baseball team.  the end-of-the-year recital was approaching and i was definitely prepared.  i was going to perform Ode to Joy as if i were the composer himself…..and i did, adding in a few extra notes here and there, and messing up….nay….butchering! a huge portion of the piece.  filled with embarrassment, i began to cry, apologized to the crowd, and ran off the stage only to be found hiding in a closet moments later by my mother.  how did i recover?  i quit taking piano and devoted all of my time to soccer.

comeback #2:  soccer - my junior year team was exceptional.  we weren’t great, but we were definitely above average.  we succeeded in reaching the conference championship game, but lost the match to a team that we have never been able to beat.  i, personally, had a fair season as well, scoring 3 goals and assisting 3 times.  but nonetheless, we lost the championship game.  so i knew that in my senior year i had to step up, be the leader, and do everything i can to make sure my team is victorious.  so how did i lead this comeback after suffering such a deflating loss?  with a strong mixture of a poor attitude, frustration, and the tendency to quit trying whenever i felt like it.  i never deserved to wear the captain’s armband once, and i successfully led the team to a 1 win, 15 loss season.  my exceptional influence as a “leader” could be seen even when i was a young teenager.

comeback #3:  prom - for me, junior prom was the beginning of the end.  i decided to ask Ginny Thomas to be my date, which was great!  i knew she would be a great friend/date to enjoy my night with.  the problem:  i wasn’t.  i was absolutely a lame, un-fun, “took myself to seriously” date.  i don’t even remember dancing with Ginny, and i know that our car-ride conversations were less-than-eventful as well.  i was so insecure, so unsure of what was “cool” for me to do, that i just froze and sat by myself.  i took Ginny home, and i was safely in bed, free from anxiety by 2:00am.  but i had a shot to make it up at senior prom.  a chance to correct my mistakes from the year before.  so what did i do?  what awesome comeback was in store for me this time?  after being turned down twice by 2 different girls, i went to the dance by myself and sat next to a college freshman who graduated from my school the year before.

meet Tyler Stanton

today, my friend Tyler Stanton is guest posting on the Stuff Christians Like blog.  this is Tyler’s 2nd appearance on the oh-so-popular site, and, as his fame continues to grow, i am proud to call him my friend.

wait…..jared, are you seriously suggesting you are friends with Tyler Stanton.  that’s impossible!  he has like 25 times more followers on Twitter than you.

yes!  that’s exactly what i’m suggesting.  in fact….here’s the proof:

exhibit A – notice the above photo.  it’s a picture of Mr. Stanton and myself.  now, he’s busy shaking hands with his fans and never really acknowledges my presence, but it is clearly a picture of us together.

exhibit B - i attended his wedding.  now, only myself and approximately 800 other people can say that.

exhibit C - we ignore each others birthdays.  i know exactly the day that Tyler was born.  and i think he knows mine.  but we don’t acknowledge the other person on their birthday.  i haven’t received a birthday wish from him once in my life.  it’s cooler that way.

exhibit D - our communication is text message only.  don’t ask me how i got it, but i have Tyler’s phone number.  i text him regularly, almost daily.  and he gets back with me…..sometimes.

exhibit E - we have nicknames for each other.  he calls me:  Jare Bear, Jay Pupp, Verizon Guy, and Jerry.   i’m certain he knows my full name.  and when i see him in person i address him as “Mr. Stanton”.  see how close we are?

now do you believe me?
check out Tyler’s blog, as well as SCL.

um….my bad!

i singlehandedly ruined a marriage ceremony this weekend.

everyone knows that the climax of the marriage event is when the bride and groom kiss, they turn to face the audience, and are announced as husband and wife.  at this moment there is an explosion of heart-felt emotion and celebration.  married couples witnessing the union reminiscence about their special day.  dating couples are filled with a sense of awkwardness and saying, “is he/she really the one?”.  and the single friends have already taken their place in line at the reception bar before the wedding party has been dismissed.

what takes this announcement, this public declaration, to the next level of joy is…..the perfect recessional song, handpicked by the happy couple because this, on their special day, is what they have dreamed of exiting to as (finally) one flesh!  (if you doubt what i’m talking about here, then just watch the opening wedding scene of Love Actually.)

my job….to simply press play on itunes and let the magic happen.

i’m in position, waiting for the cue.  ok…..kiss…..turn…..introduction…..and PLAY!  huh? PLAY!  what the….?  why isn’t this thing playing? i check all the nobs, everything is on and plugged in.  no sound.  complete and utter silence as the married couple stand ready to bolt down the aisle.  they’re waiting for…..something!  anything!  and i got nothing for ‘em.  no music.  no sound.  no delightful, appropriate, handpicked song for them to begin their life together.

i remain crouched behind the portable sound system.  my face as red as the rose centerpieces and sweating as if i had just finished a 10k.  stares like daggers are being thrown in my direction.  i notice a “friend” beginning to shake his head in disappointment, second guessing my reputation as being a reliable person.  and the bridesmaid, who i had hit it off with so well, has already forgotten my name.

the bride and groom, the entire wedding party, the proud parents and sweet, old grandparents…..all exit to the tune of silence and awkwardness.

i’m sorry, ashley and tim.  but next time* don’t put a screw up in charge of something that important on your wedding day.

*i mean….obviously, i don’t hope that there is a “next time” that either of you will get married.  it’s just an expression.

this is why i’m hot!

i am (somewhat) of a secure person.*  most of the time, i am ok with my level of attractiveness….which is a score of 4 on a 1 to 10 scale.  however, i am still very much aware of the things that i cannot change, but if i could, they would certainly move my score from a 4 to at least a 4.5.  here’s a list:

my asian hair - i’m 27 and i still have not found “my cut”…the one exact way my hair will always look good.  this is absolutely due to the way my hair sticks up like the fuzz on a tennis ball….like Asian hair.**

an accent – i swear if i were British, Spanish, or even from Minnesota i would move up the scale at least a quarter of a point.

hairy shoulders – thanks Dad.

my height - hi!  no…down here….wanna go out?

i’m always right – i can’t help it.  it’s a curse, and it keeps me from reaching my hotness potential.

my love for the Honda Element - it’s my realistic dream car right now, and it knocks 3 points off my attractiveness.

sweat gland control – i took 7 steps from my house to my car and broke into a visible sweat.  makes for an awesome first impression, and makes giving side hugs even more awkward.

my sarcasm - yeah, if i were nicer and less of a jerk i’m sure i’d be more attractive.  but that’s just something i’m not willing to let go.

i’m not Dan – he’s a great guy.  check out his blog here.

*i realize that by advertising  i am secure totally negates my security.
**i’m not a racist.

do yourself a favor.

i went to the Coldplay concert last nite.  (ever heard of ‘em?)  and it was by far the best rock concert i have ever seen or heard.  i’d like to qualify this claim by saying that i have seen The Beach Boys and U2 in concert (both twice), and U2 live is supposed to be the best performance of this musical era.

but last nite, Coldplay was far superior.

here are a few things that made this concert event truly exceptional to me:
visual effects genius – there were so many surprises and visually stimulating aspects to the show…..awesome video for each song, multiple performance stages, balloons, confetti, balloons with confetti inside them…..spectacular.
Will Champion (the drummer) – the best musician in the entire band.  i’m not sure what all he provides in the creative process of Coldplay’s work, but last nite he was drumming on all kinds of drums, singing, playing the guitar, etc.
great songs – there was n0t a song the band played that i did not like.  every tune was played to perfection (except when lead singer Chris Martin messed up once, and then humbly apologized to the audience).  they even included an acoustic version of “Billie Jean” to their set.

so, assuming that Coldplay will be contacting me soon to compile a 12 track greatest hits album, here is what i will recommend:

1 – shiver
2 – the hardest part
3 – the scientist
4 – lovers in japan
5 – life in tec
6 -
7 -
8 -
9 -
10 -
11 -
12 -

wait….who am i kidding?  a 12 track album is just way to small and would be utterly impossible to figure out.

hellooooo good life!

i’m not unemployed.  i’m retired.

that’s right….yesterday i started dipping into my 401k and enjoying the benefits of my diversified portfolio.  life is good.

now, i’ve been told that retirement can actually become a boring lifestyle.  all i have to say to that is, “what’s so boring about waking up at 10am and going to bed at 8pm?  what’s so boring about making stops at each of the 3 starbucks located within a mile of my house every single day?  what is soooo boring about day-time television?  nothing…absolutely nothing.” as far as i know, i’m living the american dream!

work? i’m stress free!
income? eh…i’m good (for now).
sense of purpose and contribution to the betterment of society? psshh…..i’m too self-absorbed to think about that.

again….life is good!

oh, anyone know where i can get a job within the next 2 months?

summer reading

i’m putting together a list of books to read over the summer.  if you would like to suggest a book that i should consider, then please leave a comment with the following information:  Book Name, Author’s Name, a rating of 1-10 on how awesome the cover design is (1 = not awesome; 10 = awesome), and a brief description of the book.  here are a couple of examples of what i’m looking for (example A is from my friend dan; example B is probably a book i won’t read):

Example A:
High Fidelity
Nick Hornby
7.78
Jerry…it’s hilarious.  read it, then call me so we can laugh together about it.

Example B:
I’m A Leader and U R 2!
Glen Smitherman
0.8
Are you a fully developed leader who is leading others to their maximum potential while leading others who are leading others to be leaders of others?